IN THE GUISE OF FRIENDSHIP

You were not ever truly welcome, were you?

Too big, too awkward, too loud—

You were not welcome at our table

Unless you could learn not to intrude,

Become a presence easily overlooked.

Too often naïve, or too innocent,

Too inexperienced—

You were not welcome to our secrets.

We never hoped for yours.

Too smart, too talented, too sharp,

Too quick to see

What we never meant to share.

You were not welcome as the mirror

Reflecting back our pain,

Witnessing our shame.

And yet, in spite of all this,

You were liked and even loved by some.

Even so, you were not welcome to be yourself,

But must come to us in some disguise,

Or not at all.

It was our revenge and our defense

To keep you locked outside.

You knew that, and we knew that—

This was our pact, the truce

That allowed us to co-exist.

Through it all we took your joy

For our own,

Borrowed your laughter

When we had none

And gave back as little,

Or as much, as we dared

To nurture the keeping of the pact.

Too silly, too deep, too moody,

Too shy, too kind, too uninhibited,

Too thoughtless,

Too everything we could not want—

You were not and could not be

An intimate, a close friend of ours.

No, you were not ever

Truly welcome, were you?